I hate that I love you- Donatello's secret diary
by Jungle Leopard
Summary: Donnie has an emotional problem. He had kept a diary. One of the turtle's secret diaries. Sequel number two. 1 Raph's secret diary, 2 Donnies secret diary, 3 Mikeys secret diary, 4 Leos secret diary. Warning: Obvious slash. Enjoy


**Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**

_**I hate that I love you**_

_**Donatello's secret diary**_

* * *

_I know it's wrong._

_But it feels right._

_We are not genetical siblings._

_It's OK._

_But still, it's wrong._

_Anyway, _

_I love you Raph._

_More than a brother._

* * *

_It started a couple of months ago._

_My interest for you grew all the time,_

_but four months ago, you broke the wall entirely._

_I once was looking at you, and you were standing in the shine of the rising sun,_

_your golden eyes were like flames and you had a devilish grin on your face._

_You looked more sexy than anything I ever saw._

_It broke the last pieces of ice between brothers and real love._

_Now I want you._

_I want you more than anything else._

_Yes I do._

_I know I'm gay._

_I know that is not really how love is supposed to be._

_But it is this way._

_I hate that I love you._

_Raphael._

* * *

_This is wrong._

_Plain wrong._

_You caught me staring at your face._

_And I turned my head away, so no one would see me blush._

_I could not face you since that time._

_I think when I tell you what I feel for you, Raph, you would reject me._

_I know that._

_But I love you, I really hate you._

_So much I think it must be true love._

_Could you forgive me?_

_Raphael..._

* * *

_I am sad, heartbroken._

_I can't concentrate on any of my lab activities. _

_I can't concentrate on anything.  
_

_The only thing I concentrate on is you._

_Raphael._

_I can't deny it._

_And I can't fight it._

_You, Raphael, are always on my mind._

_You creep into my thoughts and feed on them_

_until there is nothing of left of them but the mere thought of you._

_You._

_The only thing I can see in my mind are your flaming eyes and your sexy smile._

_The only thing I know for sure is that I love you._

_I hate that I love you._

* * *

_I am confused._

_I don't know what I should say._

_I curse every time I have to face you in training._

_And I love them._

_Because I can punch you and therefor can touch you._

_I can be close to you. _

_But I know that whenever you pin me down I bush and struggle not to show it._

_No idea how Leo, Mikey and Master Splinter will react to my feelings towards you._

_No idea how you will react, Raph._

_Will you be grossed out?_

_Will you hate me?_

_Or will you love me back?_

_No._

_You won't._

_I must stop dreaming._

_Must not give myself to love-sick fantasies._

_Must remain calm._

_But I am guilty. _

_Guilty I did not tell you anything._

_I must tell you._

_Must tell you._

* * *

_I was close to telling you today, Raph._

_But I could not._

_I did not have the guts to do it._

_I got you into my lab, but when you asked me what I had to tell you,_

_I mumbled a little bit and stuttered and stumbled, and finally, _

_turning into a tomato on two legs,_

_I lied to you that I wanted to show you a new version of my laptop._

_I know you have no clue about laptops._

_I love that._

_I love all about you._

* * *

_It was strange today._

_Strange._

_I know more now._

_I am happier now, I'm in heaven._

_Heaven of love._

_With Raphael._

_He came in today, needing a "stitchin' job"_

_He had been out with Casey again, and his left biceps had been shot with a Purple Dragon bullet._

_I sat him on my lap and blushed. _

_Then I cut out that bullet and stitched the wound up._

_Then when it was done, I could not stop._

_I bent down to his head and kissed his lips._

_His lips tasted like hot chili, and they burned equally._

_As I let go of him he panted._

_And this time he went forward._

_I could not believe it._

_I was in heaven._

_In heaven with my Dark Angel._

_He let go of me, and I whispered_

_"I love you Raph. More than a brother."_

_He kissed me again._

_"Ya know this is wrong Donnie."_

_"I know Raph."_

_"Ya know that we can't let anyone know of us."_

_"I won't let anyone do so Raph."_

_"Please no Don. And by the way I love ya too."_


End file.
